Dear 2018 - Reflecting on the Year

Dear 2018,

The end of the year is here and it's almost time for you to go. As always it's that time of year where I reflect on the year and everything that has happened...both good and bad.

I am usually filled with excitement and a little bit of fear during this time of year. You know it's a bit funny how being excited and afraid mixes well. I'm excited for the new year and the possibilities, but I'm also afraid of what can happen during the next year. As always, I wind up getting hit with a bit of sadness as I say farewell to the current year.

2018, you were one hell of a year. And I mean that in a good way. I've learned so many things especially about myself. You were the year that made me realize that I really have to start taking better care of myself. Self care was so important for me this year.

This year, I became a mommy again. I'm so grateful that I have three sons. I always wonder how did I get so lucky to find the love of my life and have three amazing sons.

Speaking of motherhood, things didn't go as planned when it came to my pregnancy. It was so much harder this time around. It was also full of surprises. I would have never thought that I would give birth at 35 weeks. To say that I was afraid would be an understatement. I was terrified. And then I was heartbroken when I found out that Raphael would have to stay in the NICU while I was discharged from the hospital. Although my boy was able to come home in just a couple of days, I was so worried and felt like I failed him as a mother. I still wonder to this day, what caused me to go into labor so early. The doctors say that I didn't do anything wrong and that sometimes it just happens, but I still want to know. I'm so incredibly grateful for the nurses and doctors who tended to Raphael and I. Those doctors and nurses were so amazing, kind, and so patient.

This year, I learned that it is ok to cut off toxic people and that includes family. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but a very important one. I still wish them the best.

This year, I cried...a lot. Both tears of joy and tears of pain. I learned that it's ok to cry. In fact, crying helped reduce my stress. I think sometimes you just need to have a good cry.

This year, I didn't really feel like a great friend to many people. All of my friends are so understanding, but I'm hoping that next year I'm able to see my friends a bit more.

This year, I'm proud of my creative accomplishments. I'm proud of the projects that I have worked on. I accomplish my goal of being published in a magazine...twice! I'm also proud that I took some time off to work on some personal projects. Being able to make things just for me was just what I needed and really helped me get out of my comfort zone.

My word for this year was Grow. I wanted to grow as a writer, as a creative, and as a person. And I certainly believe that I did just that. I hope to continue on this path of growth in the new year. I hope that next year I am able to grow even more in these areas of my life.

2018, you were amazing and full of surprises. It's time to go and make way for the new year, but I'll never forget you.

Adios.


Photo by Thomas Ciszewski on Unsplash